


Hollow

by ComicBooksBro



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Depressed Dean Winchester, Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, M/M, Sad Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, my heart is ;-; rn, no beta we die like cas, self-loathing dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27537589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComicBooksBro/pseuds/ComicBooksBro
Summary: Dean is having a hard time coping.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	Hollow

**Author's Note:**

> My emotions are not having a good time. Currently manifesting 15x20 giving us Cas back.

Dean Winchester wants to die.

The world is empty, save for him, Sam, and Jack, and Dean doesn’t know what to do. He talks as positively as he can when it looks like Sam or Jack are about to spiral out, but it’s hard, and there’s hardly any faith put into the words he forces out.

_“This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.”_

He doesn’t, and he knows it. He’s barely keeping himself from crying every time he opens his mouth. He’s barely keeping himself from grabbing the gun beneath his pillow and blowing his brains out because he’s so damn tired of hurting all the time. He feels _this close_ to fucking it all up (again), and he isn’t sure how long he can take this.

So, Dean does the one thing he knows he can’t screw up: he drinks.

He drinks too much (fucked it up _again_ —Sam and Jack didn’t need to see you like this.), but when he dreams—blissfully peaceful half-there still-images—he sees Cas.

The loss hurts even more when he wakes up, and for a moment, Dean wishes he could stay asleep. Maybe forever.

He can’t die yet, though. Cas died—Cas _sacrificed_ himself—so Dean wouldn’t, and he can’t throw that away. He can live for Cas.

He won’t be happy about it, but he’ll live.

_Damn stubborn angel._

***

He feels so stupid when he opens the door to the bunker after he hears Cas’ voice, only to be faced with Lucifer. Of course it couldn’t have been that simple. Of course it was fucking Lucifer.

Dean wishes Lucifer had died more slowly, and doesn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it. Maybe according to Cas, he’s oozing love out his ears, but Dean thinks Lucifer deserves anything and everything bloody that comes his way.

Then Michael betrays them, because their lives couldn’t get any shittier. They had expected it—hell, they had _counted on it,_ but still. It just went to show how they had come to expect betrayal. Couldn’t they catch a fucking break? Couldn’t one thing go right—couldn’t _anyone_ be on their side?

***

Chuck doesn’t die, but he’s left as good as a corpse, and that’s that.

In all honesty, Dean is kind of relieved they didn’t need to kill him.

***

Dean doesn’t feel angry anymore. He doesn’t feel much of anything anymore. Free, maybe? Even then, the smile he forces onto his face is still half-fake.

Jack leaves—he’s god now, after all, and they’ve learned it’s best for god to stay out of human affairs.

And just like that, Dean’s family is back to him and his brother. But even with Sam, sometimes he feels like he might as well be alone.

Victory shouldn’t feel this hollow.

***

He cries as he carves Cas’ name into the table. It should have been there so much sooner. It should have said ‘Castiel Winchester,’ but Dean had been a coward.

_“I love you.”_

He had been so fucking _stupid._

***

It’s hard to wake up; it’s hard to get out of bed; it’s hard to...

It’s hard to live.

But Dean can do it—he _will_ do it—for Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos appreciated!  
> <3


End file.
